MY FRIEND

As I continue my journey through this thing called life, I notice that I constantly make a bad decision

And I tend to not think occasionally, does that mean I’m not fulfilling my parent’s vision?

Sometimes I feel like I am the bull’s eye because I can feel the world’s precision

And it’s cutting away at me; did you see the small incision?

The cut, the opening, the wound, the mark

The stab that is starting to break my life apart

The stab that can break me before I can even start

The stab that is more than physical, the one that is on my heart

And as I sit back and reminisce about the things I now miss

I noticed I changed as soon as my friend didn’t exist

Does that make me psychotic, demented, unbalanced, or erratic?

No it means I cared, I use to think I was being dramatic

And now I am in denial, maybe I do suffer from depression

Maybe it comes from my aggression towards people or it could be my oppression

I guess I am finally coming out and telling my confession

But it’s left up to me to seek guidance and advice

On how to control my life

And appreciate how much people love me and how much they had to sacrifice

But as life goes on my wounds tend to mend

Because I realized even though he isn’t here, he is still my FRIEND!

AFFLICTION

As I reminisce on how things use to be
I realize that things could never be
I thought we were perfect...you know you and i
laughing, talking, hanging out, and having a good time
but it was all an illusion
now I am in a mass world of confusion
now I sit here and I have millions of questions
and its building on me...."I don't think I can take this combustion"
Sometimes I wonder do you really care about me
or do you do you like the thought of being with me
maybe its a game and I am not playing my cards right
maybe this is a real situation and I may not be holding on tight
whichever way it goes it stills has its effects
I won't want to look back on this in a couple of months and have regrets
Right now all I can think about is the untamed pain
As If I got into a head on car wreck because I was driving in the wrong lane
Or maybe it is driving me crazy or insane
Like I am a drug addict shooting heroine up my veins
Or maybe you just don't show me a sign of respect
Maybe you just need to sit down and reflect
About how you place your priorities
I feel like everything else is white, and I am the minority
I guess I am not part of the majority
And as I sit back and wonder, about the summer
I tend to now find it a bummer
And the longer I think the more i feel dumber
Because I feel like I was the one being used
Like we were married and I was being abused
And now everyone can see my bruise
You know the one on my heart
The one that will always remain there like its body art
But I guess it doesn't matter because you show no burden
I guess I am the only one hurting
And to you these are my last words
Goodbye, so long, i will talk to you later
Just know where my heart use to be, you turned it into a crater

PAIN & LIFE

Most ppl say life is only what you put into it and i say life is all about what you take out of it... sumtimes i wonder how my life would be if i took everything that ever HURT me out of it... how would i truly feel as a person what would be different... but then i thought, if that was the case i would never feel LOVE... and i want love more than anyone i kno... so i dont want the hurt out of my life... but i just want LOVE again so at least for a while ill have it and then at least be prepared to be hurt again right?... anyway so thank you for loving me and thank you for hurting me because if it wasnt for you hurting me i never would have felt true love at all. So many people think of me in a way that kills others inside. Other people think of me in a way that makes me smile. Some people just think that im a misunderstood person. I shouldn't really care cause what I think comes 1st. I've tried changing for others, even tried changing the best part about me, thats my personality. I tried making others happy instead of me. Tried so much that I realized I forgot who I really was to begin with, you see I never knew not being yourself could be so hard until I tried it. I never knew you could lose site of the path God set for you, by choosing others ways instead of his, but now I know. My life has made so many wrong turns and gone into so many circles that to get back on course might take a life time, but I'm here to say "So Be It." Its time to focus on me time to realize that sometimes you just have to do for yourself. Like they say "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." Well its time for me to take my drink, its time for me to be me again. If I lose friends in the process I'll make more on my way to the top. As someone once told me if your blessings are over flowing then share them and be there to give them away, but if there's bearly enough for you, yourself, then you have nothing to give because God put those blessings there just for you and you only. So now its time to stop giving my blessings away, its time to let God do what he intended to do for me. I thank you for reading, and may your blessing be the special change in your life that you needed." And remember dreams are just un-real thoughts of success or failure. Nothing has more control over you than yourself. Only you can believe in what you really want for you. It is the dreams that we have that makes us believe all possible things to be true. So believe in you, and you will never fail with who you are in life!